You're a caregiver, and guilt is making you sad, frustrated, and tired?
Rick checks his phone and has a cup of coffee, but he can’t stop thinking about his spouse at home. He often feels guilty when he is away from his loved one.
What does caregiver guilt look like?
Each day you wake up and do your very best to give your loved one a great day. Some days are excellent and other days are not so good. Caregivers are brave, courageous, and selfless - you do so much for the person you love.
Sometimes you see your loved one needing more assistance each day, and when you cannot change the situation, it may inspire you to do more caring, better caring, and try to be perfect. When we think about it, we all know no one is perfect. However, it doesn’t stop some of us from thinking we just don’t measure up. It is usually more present when we forget something or when our loved one has a setback or decline.
During guilt, we may say to ourselves:
I am not a good spouse or child because I didn’t . . .
Other people see that I am a terrible caregiver because my loved one had a decline. . .
I can’t leave my loved one because no one else can keep them safe or happy.
How can I go to a party, go out to eat, travel, laugh, etc., when my loved one cannot enjoy these things?
If only I did more or did things correctly, my loved one would be better.
My loved one’s needs come first. If I do something for myself, I am selfish.
Anxiety and Depression are often common if you have Guilt.
AARP has found that more than 40% of caregivers have Anxiety and Depression. That is 4 times more than individuals who are not caregivers.
You probably know that having Respite care, Support from others through support groups and contacts, and time to yourself will help reduce the risk of Depression and Anxiety.
But, when guilt is present, it makes it challenging to step into doing for YOU. What we say to ourselves just won’t let us be compassionate to ourselves.
Try this exercise:
Take a sticky note and write down 8-10 negative thoughts that come up for you during the day and night.
Choose one of the thoughts each morning and rewrite it as a positive statement on another sticky note.
Underneath the positive statement, write 10 pieces of evidence why this is a true statement.
Keep your notes where you can see them several times during the day. Before you go to bed, ask yourself if the statement is true even though sometimes you make mistakes or aren’t perfect.
You may also print this Serenity Mantra and put it where you can read it several times a day:
Reach out for support:
I would love to hear about your caregiver journey and help you find a therapist or counselor in Columbia, MO, for Depression Counseling, Anxiety Counseling, and Grief Counseling.
About the author:
I am Jerry W. Kiesling, MSW, LCSW. I am a counselor and therapist in Columbia, MO, and I help Seniors, Caregivers, and Adults learn to live better lives when Depression, Anxiety, and Grief get in the way. Please call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation.
You may read more about me at my website: www.counselingmidmo.com
